i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
