When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
