Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
