its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
