we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
