Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from

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  (973): my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from http://tfl.nu/ptif
  Replies (69) Good night (7555) Bad night (888)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.

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  (814): you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving. http://tfl.nu/zfap
  Replies (14) Good night (893) Bad night (5436)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'

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  (920): you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!' http://tfl.nu/st5y
  Replies (23) Good night (3153) Bad night (3906)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.

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  (317): I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it. http://tfl.nu/klgn
  Replies (8) Good night (6133) Bad night (749)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading

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  (480): I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading http://tfl.nu/eqt2
  Replies (8) Good night (2073) Bad night (783)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us

  (847): View more from Illinois

  You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.

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  (630): At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us (847): You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high. http://tfl.nu/59an
  Replies (6) Good night (2699) Bad night (1259)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.

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  (954): his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here. http://tfl.nu/eop3
  Replies (3) Good night (988) Bad night (1422)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.

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  (508): she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms. http://tfl.nu/mjwo
  Replies (6) Good night (996) Bad night (1904)
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  (108): View more from

  Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly

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  (108): Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly http://tfl.nu/wtl4
  Replies (6) Good night (2454) Bad night (505)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening

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  (630): he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening http://tfl.nu/ov5q
  Replies (2) Good night (433) Bad night (979)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest

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  (217): Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest http://tfl.nu/6z1q
  Replies (3) Good night (712) Bad night (290)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?

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  (515): He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for? http://tfl.nu/vbci
  Replies (4) Good night (1080) Bad night (201)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.

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  (337): You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness. http://tfl.nu/kvta
  Replies (3) Good night (1371) Bad night (250)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  make it buy you a drink first

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  (302): my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor (412): make it buy you a drink first http://tfl.nu/jxuy
  Replies (1) Good night (646) Bad night (206)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?

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  (203): I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex? http://tfl.nu/agnf
  Replies (4) Good night (735) Bad night (360)

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