just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.