I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize