Texts From Last Night

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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.

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  (309): I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before. http://tfl.nu/3qsf
  Replies (8) Good night (536) Bad night (1246)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.

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  (513): I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence. http://tfl.nu/wy8q
  Replies (14) Good night (2688) Bad night (897)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  We tried having a conversation with our noses.

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  (856): We tried having a conversation with our noses. http://tfl.nu/by13
  Replies (9) Good night (2734) Bad night (810)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.

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  (636): Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often. http://tfl.nu/ixlv
  Replies (15) Good night (4569) Bad night (671)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong

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  (205): Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong http://tfl.nu/oa40
  Replies (9) Good night (5112) Bad night (892)
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  (718): View more from New York

  He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.

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  (718): He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race. http://tfl.nu/hbzv
  Replies (28) Good night (6101) Bad night (1033)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.

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  (609): you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off. http://tfl.nu/5lgs
  Replies (13) Good night (2069) Bad night (3793)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night

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  (724): I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night http://tfl.nu/2zdr
  Replies (8) Good night (4396) Bad night (767)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.

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  (214): Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours. http://tfl.nu/p1m2
  Replies (13) Good night (2653) Bad night (626)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure

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  (267): dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure http://tfl.nu/1m9t
  Replies (23) Good night (3699) Bad night (656)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.

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  (905): His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines. http://tfl.nu/30ox
  Replies (9) Good night (802) Bad night (1800)
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  (845): View more from New York

  The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.

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  (845): The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing. http://tfl.nu/8zr7
  Replies (3) Good night (1739) Bad night (365)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...

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  (202): I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him... http://tfl.nu/dz07
  Replies (7) Good night (866) Bad night (402)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.

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  (360): So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace. http://tfl.nu/c8hs
  Replies (5) Good night (1247) Bad night (342)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.

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  (719): I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch. http://tfl.nu/zn95
  Replies (1) Good night (661) Bad night (259)

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