I think my fart just growled at me.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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