We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
