I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
