the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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