I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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