Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
