I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
ttyl tear gas
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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