I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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