I wish I could teleport
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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