I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
