You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
