sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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