Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
