I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
