I think im going to throw up on grandma
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
