walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
