The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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