Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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