I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
