at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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