Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My bed smells like the plague
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
