I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
