the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
