I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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