I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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