i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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