just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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