How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
