I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
