Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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