no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
