i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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