she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
