am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
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Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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