So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
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slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
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You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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