I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
