I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
