im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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