I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
