Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
