Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
