Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
