I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
one two three fourrrrnication!
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
