So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
