You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize