Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
