Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
