I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
