The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
