"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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