Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
