fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
