God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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