Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
