I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
