I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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