smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
