Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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