How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
